Dealing with family pressure about money

It's great to help family with money but giving too much can leave you short.

Lending money to family and friends

Many families share money, food and resources to support each other. But sometimes the pressure to help can feel heavy, especially when money is tight or you have your own goals.

'Humbugging' is a term used in some First Nations communities when family members regularly ask for money but don’t give anything in return. They may come to you every payday, or ask you to buy them things if they know you have money.

This page can help you set boundaries, stay safe and make choices that feel right for you and your family.

Looking after your own money needs first

To help your family now and in the future, it’s helpful to consider how you can look after your own money goals first.

Think about:

check_box how much money you have coming in

check_box your bills and living costs

check_box your savings goals

check_box what you can give or share without going short

You can use the Moneysmart simple money manager to map this out. It can show you what is possible and how to look after your own money story.

Balancing cultural obligations

Sharing is a strong part of many First Nations cultures and communities. If you feel pressure to share more than you can or in a way that you don’t want to, it can help to:

• talk with a trusted person, like a financial counsellor, about how to balance your needs
• make a plan with a trusted person on how to deal with pressure
• if sharing is part of your money goals, set an amount in your budget for cultural obligations, if you can

You can still honour your culture while protecting your financial wellbeing.

Setting boundaries with family

It is okay to say no.

Setting boundaries does not mean you don’t care. It means you are protecting your wellbeing and your future.

check_box Talk to a trusted person about ways to set boundaries with family.

check_box Be clear and calm when you explain what you can and cannot do.

check_box Let people know you need time to think before deciding.

check_box Offer other support if you can’t give money, such as helping someone find services or information.

check_box Keep your decisions simple and consistent so people know what to expect.

Ways to look after your money

Check your bank statements

Look at your bank statements regularly and check which automatic payments are coming out.

Contact your bank or speak to a free financial counsellor if:

• You're making a payment that you don't think you agreed to.
• There are payments coming out and you're not sure what they're for.

Keep your bank card and PIN safe

Store your bank card somewhere only you can find it.

Keep your PIN safe by memorising it. When your bank gives you a bank card and PIN, you sign an agreement promising to keep your PIN a secret. If you tell someone your PIN and money is stolen from your account, the bank will not give your money back.

Track your money with online banking

You can use online banking to transfer money to other people or businesses. Online banking can help you keep track of your money and who you're paying money to. Financial counsellors and financial capability workers can help you set up and show you how to use online banking.

Set up a savings account

You might be trying to save money to buy a car or to buy birthday presents for your kids. It can be hard to do this if you are helping family out with money as well.

If you find it hard to tell a family member you can't give them money, a savings account can help. Savings accounts help your money grow faster. You can set them up so you can't access the saved money on your bank card.

Visit our cost of living hub for practical help with Moneysmart’s tools, calculators and tips. There are suggestions and links to help you cut expenses, manage your budget and find support.

Act quickly if you need to

If someone has taken your bank card or PIN, or there are transactions you didn’t make on your bank account, or you feel unsafe:

• contact your bank straight away
• ask them to freeze your account and bank card
• change your PIN and passwords

If you feel threatened or in danger, call the police or speak to someone you trust. 

If you need help with family pressure

Money pressure can affect your health, sleep and relationships. You do not have to deal with it alone. If you’re being pressured to give money, there are people that can help.

Here are some things you can do – and if you have friends or family also being pressured, encourage them to do these things too:

check_box Contact your local financial counsellor – talk to them about ways your family member can protect their money. Mob Strong Debt Help is a free advice service about money matters for Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander peoples from anywhere in Australia. A financial counsellor at Mob Strong Debt Help can provide advice and help you understand your options.

check_box Look into an income management service — Contact the Centrelink Indigenous Call Centre on 1800 136 380.

check_box Reach out to Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander run crisis support – It’s free and confidential. Contact 13YARN online or phone 13 92 76

check_box Get free leal advice - Community legal centres are independent, not-for-profit, community-based organisations. They provide free legal help to those most in need.

check_box Contact your local police — Talk to them about protecting you or your family member. Call your local police station on 13 14 44. If you or a family member is in danger, call the police emergency line on 000.

If a family member can't protect their money, a trusted person can get authority to look after it. They need to be a trusted legal guardian. Talk to your local community legal centre or Legal Aid office about how to best help your family member.

Caring for family is important, but so is caring for yourself. Managing your money well helps build self-determination and a stronger economic future for you and your family.